As I glance over this blog, I realize anyone reading it would think that I am 84 years old. I live in one of the most exciting cities in the country. There is ALWAYS something going on. An incredible live music scene. The best restaurants. Cool bars. Festivals. And yet I sound like I am an 84 year old lady.
Today I was trying to teach my children about past, present, and future tense (think on a very minor, basic scale), so I wrote on the board:
I WAS a baby.
I AM a teacher.
I WILL BE. . .
And then I hesitated. What will I be?! Given the previous two sentences, I felt I needed to write something significant and thematic, not just, "I will eat dinner tonight." Or "I will walk the dog in the park." What did I REALLY want to put when reflecting on this whole crazy life thing and the chronological nature of my sentences? "I will be a mom." OR "I will have a baby." Or maybe the thing that would have to happen (for me personally) for those things to occur: "I will get married." But I couldn't write any of those things with any confidence. I felt embarrassed at my hesitation. What was I really certain of in my future? What could I write?
[Sidebar----deep moment for 11:30 a.m. on a stormy Tuesday with squirmy children playing with their pencils and picking their noses right in front of you.]
So I wrote, "I WILL BE an old lady."
They all burst out laughing! And I said, "It's true! It is! One day I will be!"
Some days I feel like that day is NOW. I live in this amazing city, yet I'm such a home body. Plus chasing 6 year olds has a way of exhausting you to the point where staying up late to listen to live music isn't really an option.
Part of me is perfectly happy with my old lady nature. I have embraced it. Yet part of me still feels guilty about it. Like I should try harder to be young while I am young. Don't get me wrong---my clothes are in style. Nobody will ever "What Not to Wear Me." I guess having a mortgage and being devoted to your job and being the sole person to take care of and be responsible for every aspect of your life can take its toll. Over Christmas break, I will try to connect with my inner twenty-something. Which happens to be my outer-twenty something as well. ;)