Saturday, October 13, 2012

Day 13: Process vs. Outcome

Marriage.  For so many of us, it's our ultimate goal.  Some people do date for fun.  But, at least in my experience, there comes a time when most people approach dating with the desire to get married.  With an end goal in sight.

It's good to have goals.  And it's good to know what you want from life.  Recognizing that you would like to be married is an important step.  It helps you have direction and focus.  But when the outcome (marriage) becomes more important than the process (getting to know your potential spouse), there's a problem.  In fact, sometimes people, believing they have found the one, become so caught up in the outcome that they put on blinders to the here and now and ultimately overlook signs that would point to this person NOT being the best life partner for them.

Can you imagine how utterly terrifying it is to sit down to dinner with someone who is clearly DESPERATE to get married?  Who is so caught up in accomplishing a far off goal that they can hardly get through dinner?

When you get engaged, you become caught up in the process of planning a wedding and dreaming of the future.  This is great fun and a natural part of the experience.  Yet sometimes I had to remind myself to enjoy where I am RIGHT NOW.  To enjoy being with the man beside me RIGHT NOW, not just in the dreamy idea of our future together.  Being engaged, the start of a new life together and the deepening of God given love, is such a precious time and should not be rushed, skipped, or ignored.  It's time to delve even deeper into your partner's thoughts and emotions, tell each other more stories, share more laughter and sweet kisses.  The process is where our ultimate joy lies.  The rest is just abstract and out of our control.

For some great insight into finding happiness in life by concentrating on the process, not the outcome, take a look at this TED talk:

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